funny – Stories by Shawn

How to Haunt Your Loved Ones

Hello! Welcome to the afterlife! What’s that? This isn’t what you were expecting? Yeah, we get that a lot here. No pearly gates, no streets of gold, no many named Peter with a list checking to see if you’re supposed to even be here? We’re still scratching our heads on that last one. What a… Continue reading How to Haunt Your Loved Ones

Rapid Transport

June 2022 Flash Challenge, Day 13 The smell of falafel is always the first thing I notice in the Cairo terminal; recirculated air is laden with the scents of parsley, mint, cilantro, and garlic. The bustling hallways of disembarking passengers and the vendors selling their falafel, hummus, and baklava. I woke on a sleeping couch… Continue reading Rapid Transport

No-Hitter

A Terryn and Shawn Story 2:10 PM I’m trying to put it out of my mind. At first, I didn’t believe the front desk was calling my clients. So on number three, I made Tobias make the call on speakerphone. Sure enough, it rolled to voicemail just like the other two. Weird. A… Continue reading No-Hitter

Buster’s Business

30-Day Flash Challenge, Day 23 At first, I had thought gravity stopped working. Slowly the details of what had happened come into focus. I was driving, and then my truck became airborne; I remember screams, pumping the brakes, then landing with a crash, and then? I must have blacked out. When I came to, I… Continue reading Buster’s Business

Zach

Flash Fiction Challenge 100 – Day 92 “I told you we need to use the stopper. It skitters away too quickly otherwise. I already regret sharing my affliction with Zach. The instant I approached his bathroom vanity sink, he pulled the plug from the basin and refused to let me have it; he’s… Continue reading Zach

Tommy the Tube

Flash Fiction Challenge 100 – Day 91 The door to the club bangs open. Tommy walks in and begins shouting before he’s in the joint. “Yo! Listen up, people. My name is Tommy, and I’m looking for my twin brother, Timmy. If any of you’s know where he is, you’d better tell me.”… Continue reading Tommy the Tube

Salmon Nigiri

Flash Fiction Challenge 100 – Day 71 The salmon nigiri rotates past the couple for the third time since they sat down several minutes ago. Years ago, one patron, an older man, had slyly flicked a sharpie marker against the conveyor belt to time how long it took for the sushi items to pass through… Continue reading Salmon Nigiri

Bad Doggy

Flash Fiction Challenge 100 – Day 67 “Daisy. You crazy bitch. Don’t eat that!” Zach shouts to the cocker spaniel. “Mom, Zach called Daisy a bitch again! Mooooom!” Zoe whines plaintively towards the camper. The camper is sitting in an undeveloped federal site reserved for such recreation. Truly, there is no real campsite here. No… Continue reading Bad Doggy

Back Door

Flash Fiction Challenge 100 – Day 49 At first, the two men enjoyed their alarm system. They would playfully mimic its sonorous announcements. “Front door,” the simulated female voice would announce in its pleasing if robotic voice. Then one of them, Greg or Andy, would parrot back “Front door,” and both men would laugh at… Continue reading Back Door

Dwight

Flash Fiction Challenge 100 – Day 39 I loved Tae Kwon Do from the start. It was the discipline I needed as a pudgy, soft teenager. I only reached the level of green belt, but I always preferred the flashy kicks so commonplace in TKD. The back kick, the spinning wheel kick, the hook kick,… Continue reading Dwight